You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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