I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
