just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
