So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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