Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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