he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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