it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
