just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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