dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Say something about gay babies.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
