3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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