I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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