How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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