We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cut my penus on the lid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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