i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
