On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dignity is for republicans.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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