nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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