your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
