i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
