he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Vodka?
Forever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
