so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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