I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
