She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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