Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
