This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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