i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
