What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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