Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
