Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
