Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
