Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
