well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
