you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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