I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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