i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
