i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
