its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
