Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Your penis caused this!
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