no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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