Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
