my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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