Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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