sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pants are for mortals
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
