five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
