So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
