these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
