After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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