I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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