Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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