is your mom at the bar?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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