actually, I'm a sock model
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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