There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
