I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
